Eagles Wings Ministry

 

An important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?

Simple: You take only the bus that's headed in the RIGHT DIRECTION.

 

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one!

"What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?" you ask.

No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions:  (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God; check out his attributes; and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is in the decisive turning toward the agreed - upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:

 

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”

For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14) You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married.

Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order: So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one.

 

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov 8:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.

In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it:

"We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man, your man; the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker.

Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behaviour. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, checkout the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her?  This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments? Including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementary: Do your talents and gifts complement his? Does his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet.  Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically?

Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are?

The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

 

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

 

Several weeks back in my devotional ‘Word for Today’ there was a three - part series called: ‘How To Prepare Yourself’ and it was looking at examples from the life of Ruth, it goes: 

 "So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife... "

- Ruth 4:13 NKJV 

Look at the instructions Naomi gave Ruth for approaching Boaz, her future husband, and you'll see that there's a certain protocol involved in walking with God. Once you understand it, the things you've been waiting for begin to happen. So:

1) Be sure it's God's will for you. Ruth wasn't looking for just any man, she had a specific one in mind. And because Naomi had done her homework, she was able to tell Ruth where to find him: '... he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor' (Ruth 3:2 NKJV). Research what you want from God before you start claiming things in prayer. Be sure it's what He wants too! If your name's not on it, don't pursue it. Don't go after something because it looks good in someone else's life. God has a plan for you-one that's unique and specific. Seek Him and He will reveal it to you.

 2) Deal with your past. (go Counselling; journal; pray and fast; do what you gotta but don’t shove under the carpet and ignore) Naomi said to Ruth, '... wash yourself... ' (Ruth 3:3 NKJV). In order to gain acceptance with Boaz, Ruth couldn't approach him looking and smelling like Moab, the famine-stricken place she'd come from. She needed to settle her past so it didn't sabotage her future. God will open the door for you, but until you've resolved your old issues you won't be able to walk through it. You can't receive what He has for you now if you're still contaminated by what you went through then. Whether it takes six months or six years, sort out your emotional baggage. God says: 'Forget the former things... I am doing a new thing...

 I am making a way... '  (Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV).

 

Part Two:

In order to prepare Ruth for meeting Boaz, her future husband, Naomi taught her two important principles about succeeding in life:

1) You must have the right attitude. Naomi said to Ruth, '... anoint yourself... ' (Ruth 3:3 NKJV). In Bible times people anointed themselves with oil in order to be refreshed and renewed. So Ruth was, in essence, adopting the right attitude. If you're praying for a good job or a suitable partner or a favourable outcome in a particular area but it hasn't happened yet, don't automatically blame Satan-check your attitude. 'Let God re-make you so that your whole attitude... is changed' (Romans 12:2 PHPS). To get the right result, you need the right approach. 

2) You must be willing to stand out in the crowd. Naomi instructed Ruth, '... put on your best garment... '  (Ruth 3:3 NKJV). But why get dressed up for something that hasn't happened yet? Because God blesses prepared people! When your time comes you must be ready. Ruth's story teaches us that it's those who are willing to stand out in the crowd who get noticed. Any time you dress for where you're going, there's a good chance you'll look out of place where you are. That's okay. Your highest priority should be God's approval, not man's. You must know you have a definite destination, otherwise you'll be tempted to make excuses and try to explain why you're so different from everyone else. When you know where God is taking you, you won't care. The truth is, when others look at your preparation they should be in no doubt as to your destination.

 

Part Three:

Observe two more things Naomi taught Ruth, in preparation for meeting Boaz:

1) Make sure you're in the right place. Naomi told Ruth, 'Go down to the threshing floor' (Ruth 3:3 NKJV). Why? Because that's where Boaz was! To receive what God has for you, you must be in the right place spiritually. Satan will tell you you're unworthy. He will try to convince you to stay where you are and to listen to those who'd keep you from where God wants you to be. He will make you feel out of place even when you're in the right place. Don't believe his lies; when God calls you He equips you, empowers you, and uses you for His glory. 

2) Understand the importance of timing. 'Do not make yourself known to the man until... ' (Ruth 3:3 NKJV). Ruth had waited a long time for this moment; now she had to learn to be quiet because the person God planned to bless her through was sleeping. It's hard to be all keyed up about something nobody else is excited about; you want to get them excited too. But sometimes God says, 'Wait.' Stop working to make things happen before their time! Don't try to promote yourself. 'The vision is yet for an appointed time... Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come' (Habakkuk 2:3 NKJV). God may not respond when you think He should, but His timing is perfect. He has blessings with your name on them, and no matter how many others want them, when the time is right He will give them to you.

 

From personal experience I know all the above is true and can say that when you wait upon God, it’s a wonderful thing! I cannot stand here and say that every single person will get married but I do believe that God knows what’s best for all of us and if we trust Him, whether we are married or single, we can live a successful life. 

Therefore my charge to you sisters is:

1. That all of your life—in whatever calling—be devoted to the glory of God.
2. That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.
3. That this fullness of God overflows in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.
4. That you be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of its teaching.
5. That you be women of prayer, so that the Word of God would open to you; and the power of faith and holiness would descend upon you; and your spiritual influence would increase at home and at church and in the world.
6. That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God, that you be deep thinkers about the doctrines of grace, and even deeper lovers and believers of these things.
7. That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific role, that you not waste your time on TV soaps, ladies magazines or aimless hobbies, but that you redeem the time for Christ and his Kingdom.
8. That, you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to Christ and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.
9. That, if you have children, you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise up children who hope in the triumph of God, sharing with him the teaching and discipline of the children, and giving to the children that special nurturing touch and care that you are uniquely fitted to give.

10. That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or yuppie lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.

11. That you step back and (with your husband, if you are married) plan the various forms of your life's ministry. If it’s lived according to God’s will, it is successful. 

12. That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.

13. That in all your relationships with men you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and care and initiative. That you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.

14. That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity. That you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld but by the countless roles offered. That you turn off the TV and Radio and think about...